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Soo guys, I have really exciting news…I’m in LOVE. Reeeeal love, you know the wonky type that makes you all loopy and day dreamy and you’re writing out your full name in cursive  Mr. & Mrs. so and so (Yeah, I know cursive! What a catch!) back on subject…ah yes! All I can do is twirl my hair and hum excruciatingly happy songs , HUFF HUFF SIGH! I only know how to be miserable, dammit! I’m assuming you’ll want to know who/what this lovely object of the little affection I have left to give is, hm?

Mr. & Mrs. Mexico, Y'ALL.

MEXICOOOO! I belong there. We’re getting pretty serious, that country and I.  I already picked out a house or 18 so it’s essentially a done deal. I even have a stray dog named Pancho waiting on the beach for my return, you know me and my strays… at least I’m not a crazy cat lady, eh? Sad thing is the crazy cat lady never finds a crazy cat man. I suppose you’ve guessed it by now, I just returned from a much needed vacay with my extremely fabulous (unsuspecting) boyfriend. Don’t let him in on my Latin affair, y’all.  We had the most fantastic time! Here let me show you so you can all be so jealous of my bronze goddess status. I might be a little hasty there, I’m more so just a bit “toastier.” Seeing as my cabana man geeks out over sharks, (like I wish he liked me as much as he likes them, a girl can dream!) when we were presented with the chance to swim with whale-sharks we of course:  A. got really excited B. I was drunk(this will make sense momentarily) C. paid the little mexican men and went on our merry way to be excited and roam around! Now this is where my being drunk comes into play, I didn’t really think twice about the whale-sharks because of my liquid courage and the fact that “Obviously people do this all the time so what the hell!?” We had to wake up very early to catch our mexi-van and I woke up an hour before I even needed to be awake sitting there in bed the entire hour thinking about all the whale-sharks that are going to eat me. OH and the other animals that are all going to surely eat me because “my coral bathing suit is hot dammit! I WOULD EAT ME FIRST!” You know, if I were something ferocious looking to score a dank ass breakfast… After I got over all 347 ways I was going to die we eventually made it to this little guy:

This is Richard AKA Ricardo our little mexican jumping bean we adopted while abroad! Actually this rico suave ladies man was our whale shark guide and he was quite the handful, he may or may not have offered to buy me off of cabana man at one point or the other. He only thought it over for a few minutes before turning him down! SO ROMANTIC! Although he did makes some really amazing ceviche and kept me full of beer…perfect man? I think so.

Before even getting on the boat to get to our whale-sharking some lady instilled in us that whale-sharks do NOT eat people about 54 times but she obviously didn’t know that I had already died 347 times in my head about 3 hours prior and after seeing this photo TELL ME THAT WHALE-SHARK IS NOT ABOUT TO JAWS THAT DUDE! Plankton, my-sweet-coral-swimsuit-wearing-ASS! Anyway seeing as Richard loved me he held my hand in the water and torpedo kicked all the way up to the whale sharks head where I was able to swim next to it before he swam away from all of us crazy’s. At one point I was next to his tail which we had been instructed “Do not get next to the tail it is very powerful and will murder you” or seriously injure you, whatever. They swim so fast that I was next to it’s tummy, looked out of the water then went down and his tail was all up in my personal space. I live life on the edge, obviously.

Here is the massive tail. By the way, if you haven’t already figured it out they’re HUGE. The largest one recorded was 41.5 ft and I just know that off the top of my head. Obviously cabana man is similar in nature to the Honey Badger seeing as he doesn’t give a shit because this photo looks like he was about to be murdered by that big ol’ fin! My hero!

Here’s my coral ass and the whale-shark.

If you had asked me at this exact moment when the happiest moment of my life was I would have said “RIGHT HERE RIGHT NOW, I LOVE MONKEYS” but I had been drinking. The ugly monkey I have on my mentally challenged hand would be “Whiskey” and I’m not sure why I remember that because he was god awful to look at and for the life of me I don’t remember the cute monkey’s name who is sitting on the Ape’s head that I’m holding on to.  Cute Ape, though. Also notice my amazing Free People tunic making it’s first appearance in public! Mexicans loved it!

Fun fact about me! I LOVE SNORKELING. We snorkeled a few different times in different places and they were all great, I saw lobsters, happy fishies, ugly/mean fishies, coral, sea urchins and other exciting sea monsters!

Just being yummy under water! Fact: it’s possible to be sexy in goggles

We made a day trip out of taking a ferry over to Cozumel and it was probably my most favorite thing we did. So gorgeous, fun and it just wore me OUT!

These big moon looking rocks went a bit out from the beach and looked over all the pretty water and were basically just weird and great. I had fun playing a conquistador for all of 15 minutes! So many deep holes and ways to die how could I not play?!

Happiest lady in the world!

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAh…AHHAHAHAHAhahaaaaaaaah. Okay now that I got that out of the way…this is our little buggy we had for the day. I’ll spare you the details but it was an adventure to say the least, one that makes me burst into laughter every time I think about it. This orange little shit made my day.

Mexican Ferrari! Yes, that’s all they referred to this as. I kinda love it.

We went into this state park thing(something of that sort) where they had sweet dolphins that just popped up out of the water wanting to hang out with us but we were on to bigger better things….

MANATEE! If you know me, you know I just live for Manatee. Favorite animal hands down. All they do is hang out and be fat and CUTE did I mention cute?! Sooo cabana man got me a few pictures to fuel my obsession. You’re living for them too, no?!

Diving was my most favorite activity out of ALL of the activities. I had never been so I was a bit stressed because when am I not? I was afraid my head would explode but the most that happened was my ears were really pissed off at around 20ft below but then they finally decided to get along with 20ft +  after a while of suffering. They also hated me for 12 hours after that but SO worth it! This photo was me trying to get the whole “I’m breathing under water and not dying” bit as you can see the stairs where we jumped on in behind us!

This is Jesus, apparently he lives underwater in Cozumel…sooo much for my Atheist ways, hm? There he is in all his glory. Massive! There were a few other statue bits under there but nothing cool like Jesus!

Here’s my wonky dive tank wanting to get away from me, obviously. I’m not sure if this was post battle scar or not but I was injured in Mexico, y’all! If you’ve ever been diving you know that they put a weight belt on you as well as the gear that weighed about as much as me. I was really heavy underwater and at one point I stopped in the wrong area, thus sinking onto some coral and when I went to swim away it scratched my sweet little thigh. It’s still there, just as ugly and gross looking and I’m wondering when it will go away. Hm, maybe it’s cancer!

Now THIS is amaaaazin’! We went into a cave and in order to get in said cave you have to swim through a minnow wall! Thousands of these precious little minnows leading into a big black scary cave full of asians carrying flashlights. (I don’t think that’s an all the time thing though, we were just lucky)

Obsessed.

Getting in the last of that perfect Mexican sun! I’m living for it’s lack of ozone! And those necessary tropical drinks!

Aww, I love when he creeps on me! I look like I belong.

So this was actually just a ploy to see how many of you I can get to move with me to Mexico because I’ll need a fan base there, too.  I’m all out of words and it’s just making me sad now! Boo hoo! I’ll be back soon with my usual postings, loves!

xo Sarah

Yeah, I’m Walking By the Line Not Here But In My Mind

Oh me oh my it has been ages since I’ve devoted even a little bit of time to let my crazy out on all of you unsuspecting friends! I’ve been pretty incredible and due to my euphoric state I’ve found it incredibly difficult to blog…it’s much easier to go on an on about things you find insignificant/I live for when I’m miserable and nobody loves me. I’m such a Queen. Now as spectacular as I’ve been I won’t go on and on about my happenings because to put it nice and simple, you will find it about as enticing as warm, plain vanilla yogurt. Cupcaking, attempting to learn everything I can about astrology (Yes, I want to be one of THOSE people. More to come on that though) spending lots of time with this delicious man I have, running here and there,  shopping and I’ve run across my oil pastels so I’ve been playing with those a bit…that’s a nice short run down.  Vanilla, right?

Summer is upon us and I’m just too excited to start working on my melanoma, it’s the new black if you haven’t heard! Lately I’ve been looking a lot like this:

If you’ve never seen this movie you will live but it’s definitely one of those traumatizing childhood memories because POWDER DON’T PLAY. Also, yes…I’m that color. Seeing as it is officially summer according to me I had to start my swimsuit shopping a month or so ago. I’ve been stalking various websites for something perfect but as of right now I’ve found one from VS that makes me happy I purchased a few weeks ago:

So I’ll play sailor some days, I love this because it has the white top but the bottoms aren’t white. Anyone that ever deals with white bottoms knows that they totally give your vagina a wonky look and personally I never want my vagina and wonky in the same sentence. Someone had to say it, I’d hate for y’all to be walking around with a bunch of crazy looking lady bits. Also this suit altogether was about mid $50 which is pretty awesome if you know how pricey these things can get!

It was brought to my attention yesterday that one of my most favorite stores to find various little gems, Metropark is going out of business. First thought, RUDE. Second thought, I’m so glad I got my fancy poncho before they ripped out my cold little heart and just stomped on it. I have not always been their biggest fan but I would venture inside pretty frequently rarely finding anything…oh but when I do! Amazing staple pieces and various dresses that completely agree with my body. I feel like I’m being broken up with, WHO HAS THE MEDS Y’ALL?! On to my fancy poncho…I’ve heard all sorts of mixed reviews on with my favorite being “It would be cool if you were in Mexico” to which my first thought was “..but I’m not in Mexico…DICK”  Ugh, men right? They will never understand my fancy attire. I also had an awesome “OH MY GOD! I remember when these were popular in the 70′s” I had a nice blank stare on my face for that one and had to kindly let this old hag know that everyone is making ’70′s inspired’ pieces. Don’t you people e-stalk clothes and designers? Am I the only one? Figures.

How much are you living for this color? One of my most favorites and I’ve been adding all sorts of things to my wardrobe with this color. I’m living for the detail which you can see in the first photo, that second one was just to see in action, I suppose. Looks a bit odd but I’m already over it. I believe my ponchito was right around $70 and I do believe I grabbed the last small so like I always say, blow me. All mine.

One of my most favorite friends who also happens to be my boss lady was recently married to an equally amazing man (Love you Minervine’s too too hard!) and in honor of their wedding shower mama needed some new shoes to go with my old dress! I just dig for reasons to have new things. While out running around in a dress in heels at Home Depot because these two crazy’s are in the process of making their home gorgeous and seeing as I love the smell of ant killer/sweaty inbreds/juanmowers how could I not visit that heavenly place!? I do believe the ant killer got to my already scattered brain and I obviously needed to buy myself a present right along with them…what? I like presents too. Congrats on nobody loving you, Sarah! HERE ARE YOUR SHOES!

Get this, only $60.oo whole dollars. 4 inches, platform’s not too crazy but juuusssttt enough. I really really love them. Summer wedges are just the best. Here I am mascot-ing for their shower. That sticker does indeed say Kim & Aaron. I’m a big fan of them, stickers and the frozen drinky machine that was literally right behind me. (We were fast friends, that machine and I) That probably played into my new found sticker love. I really wish you could see my dress but Quasimoto doesn’t sit up straight or stand for that matter. The fluorescent lighting completely kills the beautiful bright ass green that this dress truly is but it was also a Metropark find a few years ago. Way magnificent!

To be ordered:

Crochet Kimono Dress

If you are not completely living for this, I’d rather not know you. So delicate, it just looks like it could tone down this mouth.  $78.oo

Draped Across Dress - Melon

I don’t do ‘Melon’ and this dress does come in various colors but I’m feeling this melon!  I could have the shoes too but I received a look of disapproval upon inquiry. $58.00

Sunburst Dress

oh meee…!  $169.oo

Do feel free to let me in on some amazing places for swim suits in my little comment section! I need help! Overwhelmed with all the ugly in the world, you know? Gets stressful!

be back soon

xoST

You’re Alright But I’m Here Darling To Enjoy The Party

Fascination ends

Here we go again

 

I’ve been sitting here for almost 10 minutes already because I can’t seem to contain my ass shaking to Girl Talk and drinking my whiskey AND being fabulous for all of y’all at once, here I was thinking I was this great multi-tasking she beast of a woman. It’s a hard knock life, y’all… For those of you magnificent people that are being directed to this here blog VIA my Facebook Group I greatly appreciate your like-age of my shits and I assure you I am almost in real love with every single one of you. Just sayin’. Not to start this off on a sour note or anything but today was just awful! Not only was it a Monday, I had to be in khakis for about 9 hours(I’m cringing right along with you) I’m working on 7 hours of sleep in 2 days, I’m still being forced to wear clothes in public, and my weekend consisted of me being kicked in my theoretical balls about 4 times.  Then once more but that one just hurt a little.  Luckily my emotions are similar to Siberia in nature and I find these people about as useful as a bag of dicks.  Looooong week, dudes. Bitches they come they go.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been doing some awesome things such as: shooting a gun for the first time ever. Drunk.

I look like an actual crazy person and this is generally how my face looks when drinking, stupid happy. I look really scary holding that gun, if I recall the person I was with had to keep telling me to quit waving the gun around. I’m not really sure what was going on in their head to take my crazy ass to shoot a gun, I’m going to go with the vodka. Sassy.

Also, big surprise I went to the zoo.

The new African Forest part of the zoo is finally open and there is a new family of 10 chimps is there in all their glory. Bunch of assholes, they were hitting the glass with a stick. I think they wanted to kill us all and frankly I don’t blame them considering some people like to bring bacon wrapped filet into the zoo and proceed to throw it over into their habitat area.  AHEM. I’m surprised they didn’t kill one another.

Now onto the things that make me tingly in my pants. It should come as no surprise to you (mostly because I have incredible taste) that Marc Jacobs is one of my most favorite designers. Sometimes I find myself questioning whether or not I actually believe in a higher power because of him then I wake up and realize that Manolo Blahnik is THE higher power…most days…sometimes I lean towards Christian Louboutin but you know how I am. I like to mix it up with my men ;] Especially my gay shoe designers. Off topic…ah yes Marc by Marc Jacobs, I figure tonight I would do a blog dedicated to the things I will not be owning anytime soon because I am poor and the worlds worst saver! Shall we?

(AS USUAL CLICKING ALL PHOTOS WILL TAKE YOU TO WEBSITE)

 

MARC BY MARC JACOBS 'Celeste' Tunic Dress

I’ve been on this lazy chic kick lately…maybe I should just say I’ve been really fucking lazy lately and not try to glam it up but y’all know me better than that! I just feel like this is something I would never want to be out of. Maybe that should be the reason why I shouldn’t own it. It is only $198 so in theory I could own this I just won’t because I will be that weird girl that only wears one thing. I don’t know why I’m trying to act like I’m not okay with that.  Prrreeetttyy, no?!

 

MARC BY MARC JACOBS 'Totally Turnlock - Lucy' Leather Tote

I’m not a huge red fan. Scratch that, I’m not a huge color fan in general. I just feel as if I need to tone down my personality by wearing dark colors and why start now when my entire closet is black? I feel as if a purse is okay though, this purse for sure. It’s so bright and all “HEY LOOK AT HOW PRETTY I AM” I wouldn’t know what to do with myself. I would literally have to wake up an extra hour every day just to decide which of my beauties I’d be carrying that day. Tell me why I just went to look at the price and it is 33% off? Nordstrom why are you trying to mess with my head like that. Sigh. $329.90 It hurts. I could have you! This is why I’m poor all the time, y’all. For those of you that are always asking how I manage to be lacking funds at all times.  I can’t turn down anything cute. It’s a curse.

 

MARC BY MARC JACOBS 'Ceramic Blade' Watch

I’ve been completely obsessed with his watches, lately! I can’t stop ogling them. I haven’t owned a watch in years seeing as most everyone has a phone and what not now, I just can’t imagine being in a place that I wouldn’t have access to either my phone, a clock or ACTUALLY be stressed that I didn’t know what time it was. Time doesn’t concern me but I’ll tell you what does…this $400 gem right here. Heeeeeyyy.

 

Dior 'Temptation' Bootie

$990.00 I’ve been on this crazy snakeskin kick lately. Any skin, really.  If you don’t like it, suck it. These are beautiful although they are only 4″ which sort of sucks  but because the overall shoe rules in itself I can get over that and continue to drool over them.  I can never turn down a bootie.

 

Fendi 'Fendista' Platform Pump

$725.00 I’m not generally a fan of when designers plaster their emblem on their products but in this case it’s small and really not at all tacky but cute!  Plus I’m all about the nude.  And that platform…just stop it already!

 

Jimmy Choo 'April' Boot

I’m surprised I haven’t talked much about Choo’s possibly not even at all! I love me some Choo, dudes.  Much to both of our surprises, I’m sure, I have not found a single pair of over the knee boots that I’ve just had to have. Mostly because they either aren’t tight enough on the thigh part and just look absurd or they aren’t tall enough which seems to be a huge problem with me lately. Terrible! Why would people wear heels under 5″? It boggles my brain. Just wear flats! If only I could scrounge up $1,395.00! No big.

 

Jimmy Choo 'Glint' Bootie

I wish I could get over my bootie phase but it seems to be turning itself into a way of life. Seriously I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been lying in bed with my Sancho, or asking some rando about some shoes I want some outside opinions on (As if I really need your opinions and shiteous advice) and I hear the same thing every damn time “Don’t you already have some like that?” Then I have to simply say well…no not at all but I could see how you would get them confused even though their NOTHING ALIKE! Moral of the story: learn your shoes if you want to associate with me. I’m willing to teach as well! ;] $950.00

Topshop has been under my radar for far too long it seems! I haven’t been on top of them in my usual manner seeing as nastygal and need supply have held my attention for far longer than any stores ever have! I moseyed my sweet little ass over there just the other night (seeing as I’ve dragged this blog along for 3 days, if you couldn’t tell heh) and to my surprise they’re coming out with all of these “70′s inspired dresses” and such as they described and seeing as I wasn’t even a mere stain on the bedsheets at any time near the 70′s I have to appreciate the inspired pieces instead of the real things. Inspired I am!

 

Cream Western Style Poncho $98.00

I’m not entirely sure if I’ve A) lost my mind B) I’m just quite tired OR C) this poncho is actually seriously awesome. I really hope it’s C because I’m kind of in love.  And we’re back to my lazy chic, my loves. Tell me how much you love it?

 

Cream Aztec Animal Kaftan $50.00

ANIMAL PRINT! Just when I thought I was over it circa a year ago. Christ. I’m not actually sure if I would wear this considering I can’t exactly figure out how I feel about those sleeves and the lining of the waist/neckline against the coloring they chose for the leopard print…although the back of the dress is quite beautiful if you care to make the jump and check it out! Super cheap too! Topshop has incredible pricing.

 

Grey Crochet Fringe Sleeveless Tunic $60.00

Okay so I admit this is a bit uhm not me I suppose you could say but I fell in love! I’m actually wanting this for a specific music festival I will let you all in on momentarily and just because it all around looks all sorts of comfy. Wouldn’t you be my friend? Best believe.

 

Pale Pink Chiffon Sleeve Crop Blazer $80.00

This blazer has stolen my heart and I don’t even want it back! It’s pink! Pale pink! Two words I don’t use! It also has chiffon sleeves. I hate chiffon. It has shoulder pads. CHRIST ON A CROSS, I must have this! I haven’t come across something that is made up of so many bad things that I love this much since I met my last boyfriend. So great! It can’t even break my cold little heart. Happy Valentine’s Day, self. This is mine.

 

Peach Metal Ring Neck Chiffon Sleeveless Blouse $66.00

LOL. Peach. Chiffon. I don’t know what it is but I like this!

 

Striped Panel Dress by Rare** $90.00

I love the idea of this dress and would probably buy it if it weren’t for the weird thing it’s doing that’s making it look like a maternity dress. I feel like they could have done a few more things and made this dress just perfect. Lacking, dudes. Also I couldn’t find a picture of it actually on someone seeing as it is a new item. Lame.

 

Now onto upcoming events in my increasingly exciting life! Seeing as both of my best friends moved in the same month (January) to the same city…in the same house, I’ve been quite bored because of my lack of play time with the two people who took up majority of my time. I’ve gotten over for the most part (bitches) but it still stings, ya feels me? It looks as if I will be doing a lot more traveling than I’m accustomed to. Whether it be 2 hours away to them or 7 hours away to Mardi Gras…the things I do for my friends. ;] This will be my very first Mardi Gras and I’m so stupid excited I can’t contain it…in fact I refuse to. I love Louisiana more than most Texans do and my dear friends in Louisiana seem to be okay with that and embrace the shit out of it, even. I’m just really hoping there isn’t a moment that goes by that I’m even remotely sober. It really should be no problem seeing as any time I cross into the great state that is LA I am almost immediately hammered until I stagger out a few days later to my car with a pounding headache and not much else to remember my time there. I’m completely okay with this.  In other awesome news I found out today a few friends of mine and little ol’ me will be making the trek to Alabama. That’s right, you read that correctly. I know I’ve said I would never step foot in that state unless absolutely necessary BUT this is one of those moments.

I’m giddy. gggggggggiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrlllllllll tttttaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllllkkkkkkkk. Yes, I’m excited for everyone else of course but I love me a girl talk show.

Other than that you will most definitely be seeing me in the San Marcos/ATX area very often. Mostly because one best friend would lose her head if it wasn’t attached to her body and the other one might kill someone. She’s dangerous and she has a car. That should give you all chills. Oh and there is beer to be had, of course.

Hopefully I’ll have something up before Valentine’s Day but if I don’t I hope yours sucks and you don’t get anything fabulous because I don’t have a Valentine yet and Christian Louboutin isn’t looking as promising as I was hoping. 

 

xo

She Will Kiss You ‘Til Your Lips Bleed, But She Will Not Take Her Dress Off

 

“I’ve got a perfect body, though sometimes I forget
I’ve got a perfect body cause my eyelashes catch my sweat
Yes, they do, they do…”

Regina Spektor is an amazing woman. If you know anything about me you would know she is my all-time favorite artist. She blows my mind every single damn time. I wish I could get that excited about anyone…well let’s not get too hasty I do get a bit excited with quite a few of you! If those lyrics don’t make you love every single little part of yourself…well fuck. Sorry about your luck, lose some weight and gain some friends. Maybe I just like myself a lot more than most people do. I dig it. Except for those wretched feet I’ve been doomed for eternity with! HUFF!

Now I know I said that the next posting would be about foods but I quickly realized while I do love my iPhone, it doesn’t quite do justice to the artworks I’ve been slaving over. It’s fun having a man-friend who likes sweets, so easy to make them happy! I’ve been on the prowl for my next venture into making him fat…so don’t fret I fully intend on baking baking baking and doing some down home cookin’ on the side. You’ll surely be the first to get in on THAT action. Trust.  I fully intend on making this a two part blog first part for my ladies and fags to ogly my impeccable fashion sense and because I can never get enough of my NastyGal! Second part, seeing as valentine’s day is coming up I figured I would venture into the lingerie department and gift giving fiasco…because when it really comes down to it who really ever knows what to get anyone?! (I mean unless I guess you’re in one of those urban myth relationships I’ve heard tales about that last for like 5 years and longer…hold on I almost passed out.) Those are just two of the many things I am marvelous at, if you weren’t yet updated on that…take notes: 1) lingerie 2) gifts  Yes I both love buying/receiving them from myself or others. I deserve the world, who am I kidding.

Lily Lattice Dress - Black

I love the detail in the back of this dress and I could surely dress it up with a skinny little belt as shown above and some thigh highs! I don’t think anyone could resist me in that ensemble. Nope, I’m sure of it.

Leopard Cape Dress

I’m mainly a huge fan of the arms. Something about having a cape-esque thing going on really gets me all hot ‘n bothered. I could go with or without the pattern but I would definitely add to my collection.

With The Band Leggings

My wardrobe consists of mostly dresses. I’m not exaggerating in the least bit when I say this…if I’m not wearing a dress it’s because I’m at work, working out or sleeping. Well I might be sleeping in a dress depending on how the night in question went. BUT HOLY JESUS CHRIST ON A BURNING CROSS I love leggings with my entire being and these are just too rich.

Crochet Away Thigh Highs - Wine

Crochet Away Thigh Highs - Black

Speaking of thigh highs these are just two example of perfect pairs I will be dawning shortly. Only $18! Very exciting! If Someone wanted to throw in the shoes as well I would be completely cool with that…just throwing it out there, do with it what you want.

Sam Edelman Nivan T-Strap Platform - Black Suede

The Details	?
* Man-Made Materials * Shoe Height: 8.5″ * Heel Height: 5.5″ * Platform Height: 1.5″

Seriously all I need to know.

Pearl Pleated Dress

Every now and then I like to throw in some class with all my scandalous get ups and this just does the trick for me. I love nude.

MacGregor Leather Pants

…but I mostly just want them because of this…..

You feel me?

Leo Racerback Tank

I’m a huge fan of anything that has an obnoxious picture of a wild animal on it. Probably the biggest fan. Love this too hard.

Steve Madden Clover Platform Boot

In my general manner you know I would be taking over the world in these and such. Just imagine. Doesn’t it put a smile on your face?

Now on to more exhilarating items!

Whip Me Stockings

Agent Provocateur you never fail me. These are quite different and I kind of find myself in love with them.  Must have!

Seam & Heel Stockings

Classic. Mm. Does not get much better.

Adorna Paddle

Yes, loves. This would be an actual Agent Provocateur paddle and yes…I do need it in my life. Valentine’s day would be so great.

Delilah Waspie

like a little valentine’s present to open! If that doesn’t do it for you…

Yes.

I’m quite picky so Fredrick’s and La Perla aren’t doing much for me at the moment….but why don’t we venture onto something your lady can have when you’re not around…

Waterproof Jack Rabbit Vibrator

Yes, I went there and what kind of person would I be if I didn’t also say LADIES what about when you aren’t around?!

Original Lady

The fact that they call it the “Original Lady” kills me. So awesome. I love them shits. Fleshlights are so great for men.

Now on to the things that don’t get the “usual” person off…then there’s me…

Tiffany Keys Crown key pendant

Tiffany’s keys have had me on their side for quite a while…

Cupcake charm

…but then again I’ve wanted this for about 3 years. If I don’t get it soon I’m just going to have to buy it myself and how depressing is that?!

Hope everything is well with you all! If you haven’t yet please do “join” or like rather my facebook fan page right: here!

xo ST

 

December Hibernation Hiatus

Just to start this whole thing out, yes I do realize I am absolute rubbish at keeping all 5 of you that find me remotely funny and the other 57 of you that just like to poke fun at my various drunken terrible shameless actions. Yes, I may pee in your bed/couch/anywhere but the toilet or take my clothes off in parking lots and proclaim that I am sleeping on the concrete and you can get me in the morning…but isn’t that why you love me? I’ve come to realize I lost what was left of my shame back in mid-2010 so why not just be my own support system. It’s worked wells so far for me, riiiiight?  We all know I could write a novel alone on all of my recklessness drinking…so I digress.

Holiday (celebrations ) drinking was definitely my number 3 favorite thing about the holidays, friends in town, vodka infused ice-skating xmas evening with my favorite person, filled with foods that promised to keep my ass…well let’s just say it’s there to stay,(I don’t hate it)  lots of magnificent presents that literally turn me on immediately upon waking up to them on a daily basis. I hope you all come to have that strong of feelings for anything in your life at some point. I mean, I highly doubt it will be anywhere close to my status but I’m sure you will do your very best.  To tell you the truth I’m not even sure how I ended up with such magnificent items seeing as I’m one rotten little lady but I suppose there have to be a few people that embrace my downright ornery, prissy personality.  It could also be I’m quite the lucky lady. Either way it doesn’t matter, my life as of right now is so fabulous it hurts.   I suppose I will start off with my pride & joy, my baby that I just love with everything in my being:

MARC BY MARC JACOBS 'Classic Q -Groovee' Satchel

This would be my absolute favorite xmas present, my magnificent man-friend that I find myself quite smitten with picked this out himself (Impressive, no?!) and have I mentioned to what magnitude he rules? Pretty fucking hard. Feel free to swoon. I do on a daily basis.

This would be my second favorite thing in the world right at this moment. I’m not normally a nook/kindle/whatever kind of lady because I like to own the books, my dream one day is to have a vast library in my fabulous home filled with books that I have read. You know, like us smart broads do. Am I the only one that gets extremely excited by the idea of having a book smelling room? Books just smell so great. Fuck, where is my mind….I’m still determined to get at that library but to my surprise I am absolutely obsessed with this thing! So convenient, light-weight, wi-fi and all sorts of other cool gadgets. Good job, Mom.

Those were just the top two presents I’m still unhealthily obsessed with mid-January so I figured I should at least let you going on in that department.

New Year’s Eve was just filthy incredibly straight class fun the whole way. Had a blast and maybe a bit too much vodka but enjoyed it with above mentioned man who seems to have me all giddy- non-ST-like and such… Here are some photos from that evening before the vodka took over my entire bloodstream:

I truely wish there were more because we all know that when I get drunk I turn into an actual super model straight from Milan and they ALWAYS come out just PRISTINE….and when I say that I actually mean HOTMESSEXPRESS and keep me laughing at myself for days. A girl’s gotta keep herself entertained somehow, you feels me? cute cute cute blah blah cute next!

Fashion time! Yip!

JS by Jessica Andyn Bootie $69.95

Although I am the first person to say I would absolutely prefer never EVER having to wear open toed pumps, partially because I feel too cave-womanish and feel as if I should be hiding out in the caves of Afghanistan with Bin Laden….too soon? Hah! As if I care. The other half of me hates them because I have the ugliest feet known to mankind and they are absolutely the one thing I hate about myself. ONE THING. Thanks, Mom! I’ve been dying for some nude pumps for ages now and every single pair I find the heel is lacking an inch or it had a terrible open toe for my feet to pop out and be all “Hey dudes! Come and see how ugly I am!” I chose these literally in 3 minutes because I had somewhere to be and they had a solid 1″ platform making it to about 5″ inch total in heel and that is what this shoe saavy lady is really all about.  Also, those bands are just killer, I’m in real love with the way they make me look. All about the details, ladies.

Whilst in my hurry to find those killer shoes I happened to have a prior conversation with a woman I work with we’ll call “E” and she is british and quite the fashion saavy lady herself, I’ve been dying for some really good leggings and she mentioned to me that Old Navy (I know I generally cringe at he thought myself) had nice leggings for $15 so in my moment of sheer crazy panic mode, DSW happens to be right across the street from ON and so I went on my merry way and found exactly what I’ve been searching for I FOUND MY CARMEN SAN DIEGO, LOVES! :Excuse my lackluster appearance, I had just biked a theoretical mountain for 45 minutes…but my little paparazzo brother gets quite impatient being my go-to photog for this here fancy blog. They fit brilliantly and extremely comfortable! So if you’re on the hunt for some nice cheap jeggings Old Navy is definitely the way to go.

I suppose I should carry on with the rest of my day of crazed shopping in order to complete the outfit I needed in my life. If you haven’t been living under a boulder the past few weeks Express is having a sale. Now before you get all hot ‘n bothered grabbing your car keys and shits. I LOATHE Express’ sales. It looks like Hiroshima post bomb. I just feel like trash walking in there. Very depressing and it’s as if their sales are never ending. No, I do not want to go through your 20+ black boxes of SHIT you never should have made in the first place…hence they are in these little black holes of doom…in fact, Express maybe that’s what you should just do, send your little black boxes into outer space never to be seen again. You would be doing me a big favor and I don’t care what anyone else thinks because you probably dress like a dickhead.  On to contradicting myself…I found this beautiful whiteish/cream colored top a couple of months ago at express and decided against buying it because I just felt like a circus tent inside it. On my shopping adventure I went into the second express of the day and to my amazement the first thing I saw was my beautiful circus tent of a top in a size small just luring me in with it’s silk lined back that you can almost but not quite see through. OH LAWD…someone come fan me. This shits was $19.99! I still don’t take back what I said about Express sales, though. Black hole…seriously consider it.  Not that I prefer to play fair or anything but I feel as if I should show you the full product so you can ooohh and aaahh or be like “oh my god Sarah what in the actual fuck is on top of your head and why do you look like you don’t believe in makeup” I’m open to either.

this would be the back, circusy right? but I also bought this beautiful gold necklace the haaaaaaaangs low and looks faboosh with it. So it’s guud.

My favorite part are the arms. Just love ‘em!

I’ve had a lot of people recently asking me where I get most of my dresses/various amazing items and I’ve added a couple new dresses to the equation recently so I suppose I might as well share those as well!

You might recognize this as my NYE dress and I just absolutely love it! Extremely cheap and you can find it on NastyGal.com

Love love love this purchase! Also a NastyGal find and I’m working on getting those shoes in my life! They’re too great! (This dress was also dirty cheap!!) Shop away ladies!

This is my new-ish jackey by Casual Couture via Bluefly.com I love.

Now that I have you all caught up you have something to look forward to in my next posting which will solely be about food. I’ve been on quite the cookin’ itch lately and can’t wait to share it all with you. Love you guys! xo

Shebeast

Hello you magnificent beautiful people! In case you haven’t been keeping up with all of my various social networking update-age(why wouldn’t you?!) I have been so stupid happy I almost can’t stand it!  Without getting too personal because who really cares I’ve shed some unnecessary people baggage in the past few months. As endearing as my cynical-I-hate-everything-including-kittens mantra is that I was sporting for a good while, it was time for a gigantic change and now I’m one of those incredibly annoying broads who wakes up really excited for just about everything. Don’t worry, I’m not going soft on y’all, I’m still a rabid shebeast of a woman. Making lots of new friends and keeping some fancy handsome company, as well. ;] Life is just dirty filthy marvelous fun! All. The. Time. How do you type a vomit noise?…and then type it 17 more times after that… The thing I’m excited about most is drinking because I want to and not because I hate the general population, that’s something to write home about, huh? On that note I’ve had a few more drinks than I’d like to admit since my incredible birthday last month and as promising as I think my new book “Drink Yourself Thin” is looking I feel like I should get back into the actual working out bit instead of saving the calories for alcohol. (Pssst…I’m sorry wine, I will never leave you. Trust. Let’s just keep it between you and me) Now don’t worry I am by no means Moby Dick or Kirstie Alley over here but I haven’t worked out since around summertime and it’s just unacceptable. Why own so many cute workout clothes when I’m not putting them to use? Glad we settled this matter at hand.

IT’S FALL!!!!1ONE!!!! L:KA(*#LAS!

Now anyone who knows even a bit about me knows that fall gets me all hot ‘n bothered.  I love it somethin’ fierce. Not only because of the sweet potato casserole but I also love any weather that calls for boots to be worn and my hair to remain fabulous ALL DAY. I’m about to squeal I need to get it together right now.

CLICKING ALL PHOTOS WILL TAKE YOU DIRECTLY TO ALL LISTED MAGNIFICENT ITEMS

Delta Sweater $118.00 Because we know I would make this 10 times better than that ginger bitch showed in the photo. Oh and it did make my heart beat just a bit faster.

Tribal Dress by Funktional $140.00 Now usually when I hear the word tribal I think of some Porter-can, Texas po-dunk ass tattoo on or near a lower back or maybe a full body piece that just refuses to quit to where I can’t shake the horrid mental image even when I close my pretty painted eyelids! Soooo you can imagine my happy surprise when I stumbled upon this perfect drool worthy dress that I must add to my collection. STAT.

Cargo Legging $78.00 Now see, I wasn’t going to add these because I have a serious problem with making fun of anything “cargo” but I just kept ogling them and I decided that I’d give the little guy a chance.  It must be the fact that you probably can’t actually put anything in your “cargo” pockets. Very cute! One thumb up. Just one, I’m still wary.

Distortion by RVCA $39.00 Do I need to explain?

Elevate Top by Gentle Fawn $59.00 I likey anything you can see through. Big fan. HUUGE. Plus it’s black and who in their right mind doesn’t just love everything black like I do?! Maybe I’m not in my right mind. You say tomato, I say fuck off.

Oliver Short, $52.00 These are also picture with the above top and I’m just gaga over them. Anything named Oliver is always a hit with me. SWOON!

Pixie Tights by Hansel From Basel, $30.00 Now THESE. This shit riiiight here would be a perfect match for my glasgow boots that I will be receiving from my best friend as a birthday present. They will be my favorite birthday present and I will have to refrain from wearing them at all waking moments and maybe sometimes let them be the little spoon to my big spoon. Maybe..

Leather Panel Jacket by Funktional $304.00, Now I realize this isn’t faux leather in my usual manner and I’m sorry but the animals will have to suffer and PETA will have to throw their red paint on me because it’s fabulous and I can’t control myself around something that has this much pull with me. No self control PETA and I refuse to apologize any more than I already have.  This makes up for my 3 years of being vegetarian/pescatarian OKAY?!

I almost forgot! You must see my spur of the moment Halloween costume, it was amazing and I rocked the shit out of it. LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE. :

(modern day)Cruella DeVille or however you spell that shits. I mean I feel like if she were kickin’ it in 2010 she would totally have dishwater blonde fabulous hair and this is most definitely what she would be wearing. Fancy, huh? You’re missing out on the shoes I recently purchased for dirt cheap, too! So alas:

Everything I could ever want in an ankle boot. It’s got the platform, 5 inches, lace-up OH and did I mention they are just so perfect it actually physically hurts me. I just love them more than I’ve ever loved just about anything. I still can’t stop ooh-ing and ahh-ing. Mmm.

Y’all, it’s been real but someone has to sell the cupcakes because if I don’t WHO WILL?! WHO WILL MAKE ALL THE PEOPLE OF HOUSTON FAT?! Serious business. Aren’t y’all glad I steered clear of shoes? I currently need in my life? Otherwise I would have kept you here for at least 10 more minutes. Shoes will come soon, promise.

Love you all so stinkin’ much! xo

Sarah

Gentlemen Prefer Moi

I know I know I know, it’s been a whopping couple of months since I’ve blogged and in honor I wanted to switch it up a bit. Personally, I’ve been doing great. Enjoying the HELL out of this Texas heat and for once I don’t glow, y’all! I have tan lines! Are you gasping? I can’t help but gasp every time I undress and see these tan lines. Proud Mama.  I’ve been doing a lot of pool-ing, raping cocktail glasses, and various extra curriculars that just make for magnificent events and such.  Don’t let that fool you because I’ve definitely been running into  some seriously god awful karma lately. I must have REALLY done something shitty this time because my car is just ridiculous. Between the tires, the hoses, the weird noises it makes, and the occasional smoke sesh it has when I arrive home…well I now know what Dad’s are for and why women get married. It all makes sense now.  I think this calls for someone to buy me this:

Candy paint, I have to rep my city…right? I just feel like I really deserve it.  Of course I’d have to move off Homestead and such but that won’t be a problem at all!

This isn’t really me switching it up quite yet I’ll update you on a few new purchases I’ve added to my wardrobe over the past couple of months. Mostly dresses, some of which I don’t have pictures of but don’t fret I’ll eventually be caught on camera in one of those masterpieces.

Sorry it’s so large, I know those hips can be a bit to take in at first glance.  Mostly because they rule so hard. The top is actually just a $14 tank I found from Target of all places that reads “MY PLEASURE” which totally works out perfectly for my new pencil skirt obsession. The skirt was around $13 from Forever 21. I don’t necessarily shop cheap because of my awful habit of not being able to save money because of the amount of fancy necessities I buy, but when I do find a complete outfit for under $30 and it’s as cute as THAT? C’mon, how can you not get all hot ‘n bothered?!

First night I actually wore the skirt out. I wish it weren’t so blurry so you could see all of the vintage jewelry I recently stumbled upon from my grandmother’s collection.  It’s all to die for, as usual.

If you can’t tell this was my gay pride parade attire. It was incredible in case you were wondering. That skirt was also a recent buy and it’s safe to say I have more feelings for it than I ever have for a man. I adore it. This is just a random purple dress with pockets. I like purple and black. That’s about it. I also enjoy dresses that have pockets.  Sorry these are all iPhone photos. During my wordpress hiatus I became hip and got an iPhone.  All I do is play angry birds so  I’m not all too sure that I’m really considered “hip” 2 months later and I’m still rather iRetarded.

Okay I’m over those I have more photos but really…old news. Now on to something that will be in my life after I pay my Doctor $400.

I don’t even mind that they are call ‘Chica’ but they are by Irregular Choice and are $150 and I will for damn sure be getting my chola on in them shits. Trust.

I will now show you what my summer has consisted of:

The original trio. Beginning of our summer celebration.

Beginning of May I attended a wedding in Alabama. Upon getting off of the plane we went to the zoo.

Ahhh, plastic handles of whiskey and Smalls falling out of a truck. If only I remembered.

Ahhhh Houston Free Press Summer Fest 2010. Dance party 2010.

No this wasn’t just placed in my mouth for the photo. It remained there for the 20-30 minute ride to some place I don’t remember being at. Needless to say…it was awesome.

Getting my lake livingston attire ready!

There’s a few photos from the past few weeks/months. It’s all a bit hazy as summer should be.

NOW I’m switching it up.  One of the very first things I notice about a man are of course his eyebrows but his attire as well. One little thing is off…SHIT DON’T FLY WITH ME. I’m just going to show all of you single gents out there what I’ll be on the prowl for…yeah.

This would be the Worldcom Cardigan from Need Supply Co. which happens to be one of my favorite places to stalk shoes and various items.  $69.99 and I believe clicking the picture will send you the link. Have I mentioned I LOVE a man in a cardigan? Drool.

I just really enjoy this . A lot.  Nordstrom. Click the shirt to see it on the website it’s equally as amazing there. All of the Imaginary Collection is pretty gas station-esque wolf in the solar system t-shirt meets fucking straight class. Check them ouuuuuuut!

Ben Sherman Military V-Neck. I’m a huge v-neck fan. They have this one in 4 different colors…get them all and I’m yours…well for a little while at least.

Just A Cheap Shirt Plaid Shirt

Not quite sure why/how it gets me going but it does. Mmm.

1901 Contrast Trim Cardigan

Comes in Midnight Blue(above) and if you’d like to see Raisin which I find equally as exquisite, click on the picture!

Emporio Armani ‘Italian Football’ Boxer Trunks

I only like men who like these.  Buy. These aren’t the only Armani boxer trunks. ADD TO CART MOTHERFUCKERS!

Mezlan ‘Giambi’ Wingtip Oxford

Really? Yes. Oh GOD yes.

I have now officially not gone to sleep and sat and looked at shoes online for a solid 3 hours. I couldn’t be happier. MUNDAY FUNDAY!

she bad

Hello my loyal peasants! So much has gone on in the past few weeks and I’ve been itching to blog somethin’ fierce.  I suppose I’ll start out with the whole boring update on my life bit first and foremost. Last week I left for a trip to Alabama to be a wedding date for one of my ex boyfriend’s friends. I was there from Tuesday to Tuesday and we didn’t tear each others heads off! Yay! Kidding. I had a great time and the wedding was beautiful. We did lots of nature things which I’m not sure if you noticed but I’m not your regular ol’ Bear Grylls. Y’ALL I stepped on a SNAKE. Please believe my prissy little ass realized real fast nature isn’t my “thing”…but then again totally worth it when you see this:I look all sorts of bloated but I don’t really mind. It was beautiful but ice cooooooold.

I was all sorts of homesick and literally could not wipe a smile off of my face when I landed back in HTX. I love my Houston. Well…that smile quickly disappeared when I realized I had work to go to in 3 hours. Ick.  I do my best to keep this blog not as personal but that past week has been a crazy one for me. Emotional roller coaster would be an understatement of the year. Friends and I have been talking about possibly moving to Austin in the next few months or so. Who knows. I need to get my head on straight and get my shit together because I’m LOSING it. Mess up after mess up. Oh! forgot to add this in there, while out of town my beloved blackberry went kaput therefore this fucking hipster got her own little iPhone today. I’m still iRetarded but I’m getting the hang of it.  Now! On to the wants:

On The Prowl shirt…sadly it is sold out but I can completely understand why. GOD. YES.

Dime Piece Hands On Dress $108 Looove love love this shits. If nothing else for the hand on the ass. Hand to ass ratio is Fab!Roll Neck Tunic from Topshop this is the one I want more than anything I’ve ever yearned for before. I believe it was sold out as well. I’m not sure if it’s the cigarettes or the dress but it just absolutely takes my breath away.

Bridget Lace Dress $64 I have a thing for lace. I think it’s because I’m dainty and amazing. Thoughts?

Sublimination dress $48 I’ve had my eye on this dress for at least a month I need to just hurry up and pay my bills and buy this….or maybe the other way around. What’s more important…insurance or looking fierce? We’ll see. (It doesn’t hurt that it’s cheap, either…or that I’m a broke bitch.)

Swiss Layered Dress $72 I just love it. That is all.

I’ve been on a hat frenzy, FYI. My hair is so crazy that it works out in my favor. Can I get a hell yes?!

Pins and Needles Crochet Straw Floppy Hat $34 No explanation needed.

Two tone straw Fedora $28 I would look adorable in this. I just know it. Need!

I’m going to go cuddle with my dog and fold laundry. You know me, just beating off the gentlemen callers….god HELP. I’ll just blame in on the period. I’m a lonely lady! Then again it is 6AM and I’m trying sososo hard to stay awake right now. Sorry for the shitty blog, y’all. I’ll try to do better next time around.

xo Sarah

Zoo With Q!

I’m not sure if I’ve PUT IT OUT THERE but I am a member of the Houston Zoo. I love it. I have been a member for the past 3-4 years and it’s just fabulous. One of my best friends hubby Quincy loves the zoo just as much so we decided to get sloppy and make an adventure out of it. I’m going to probably post most pictures but there are so many that I may leave a few out even though they are all so damn perfect! Also, In these pictures I’m wearing my new top I bought for $20 the other day! I’ll also add some pictures towards the end of the lackluster v-necks that are perfect for summer. It took everything in me NOT to buy black. I need some vibrance and color and WINE…okay that has nothing to do with my all black wardrobe. I just need some sort of colors every now and then, I suppose.

we had tons of fun and I believe if I did it correctly you can see my new v-necks in with his gallery! I’m off to get ready for work. I have some new blogs in the works! Be back soooooooon, TRUST.

xo

I haven’t posted on here in ages and for that I am deeeeply sorry. You can blame men for that one.  I momentarily diverted my attention away from all the marvelous things in life that I should have been bringing your way and focused on other bullshit! Ick! Don’t fret I’m back in full force..ruining lives, buying shit I don’t need but love, but mostly just frantically searching for a pair of shoes that seem to have vanished RIGHT when I need them. Of course, Jeffrey Campbell! Just when I have this perfect outfit set up in my mind I can’t find the shoes to set it off ANYWHERE. Seriously, I’ve called in a fucking squad of people to help me search for them and no luck! I’ve posted them in a past blog about shoes(surprise) and I almost don’t even want to post a photo because I’m so discouraged but I know you guys only come for the pictures. I think I may be one of the only 5 people left on the planet that read. (I haven’t met the other 4, I’ve just heard stories and shits.) okay, I’ll stop being rude and refresh your memory:

They make my heart race and give me sweaty palms. Sosososo marvelous, it hurts! Not being able to have them is just making me want them waaay too much like to the point that I’m considering waiting an entire month because YES they will not be ready for me for an ENTIRE MONTH. Feel free to re-read that because when I read the awful red letters telling me blah blah blah this item is on backorder until MAY FUCKING 15th HAHA BITCH! my jaw dropped and if I knew how to cry I would have been a babbling brook.  It was mocking me and I’m not impressed. Have I mentioned I actually need them for a specific event? Oh oh oh and May 15th is 2 weeks after said event. I am in quite the predicament. I’ll either have to find new shoes…SIGH. or go barefoot for all of eternity and it’s looking like I’m leaning towards the latter, y’all.

Anyway, after deciding that instead of baking muffins at 12:30 AM I needed to search for dresses on Bluefly.com, I perused for nearly an hour without blinking or moving, actually. I spent 3/4 of the time staring at this magnificent creature:I nearly pasted a picture of my head over the mannequin and drew hearts all over it. Mmm!

I found this yesterday. Floral lace long sleeved thong bodysuit or some shits. American Apparel. I know the perfect outfit.

I actually think I will bake some muffins. Maybe.  While I watch this movie I bought last night, I thiiiink it’s called An Education and it has something to do with France so you know I’m all over it. This past week I came across a friends youtube account and it inspired me to start vlogging! Well, maybe I’m jumping the gun here because I haven’t actually made a vlog yet, I’ve just put serious thought into it. Also, my laptop is broken so at the moment I’m using a desktop that is a bit older and the SD card slot is absolutely fucked. We will see! I could always use my always trusty webcam! If I could just figure out how to make it work…and take it off of b&w. You wouldn’t think it would be so difficult but I swear it is…this is me last saturday pre-outing. Outing turned out to be a bust…but at least I looked fabulous. I’ve been very…scattered yes! Scattered is the word I’m looking for, lately and it sucks. I’ll leave it at that. I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON WITH ME!  Alright well I’m going to go do something with myself because I’m OVER it!

xo